Friday, June 30, 2006


Ungrateful Staff - Idiot #9

As a bonus today we have a group of idiots. Namely some ungrateful staff in the office. Pending a refurbishment we need to offload a bunch of our old equipment. An all staff email met with a prompt response and pretty soon the cupboard was bare.

Shortly afterwards I was doorstepped by a stroppy looking couple of people who had said to me about six months ago that if we were ever getting rid of anything they would be interested. Fair enough they might well have done, but I don't remember every conversation I have ever had especially not odd snippets from half a year ago. These two people were sulking like my five year old son does, all because I neglected to give them preferential treatment, and they missed out.

For the love of chisels this was four and five year old equipment that was nearly worthless, much of it had gone on Freecycle as it generally ends up going to a worthy cause. In future it all will.

Todays Cull: You will be beaten round the head with old hard drives.


Train Chat Tosser - Idiot #8

Todays idiot is the un-names git who delayed my train this morning by saying a long goodbye to his mate at London Bridge. He decided that rather than let the train continue on to Charing Cross he would hold the doors open and continue gossiping with some other bloke. when he eventually let the doors close he shouted to his mate that he would call him in a minute.

A few commuters suggested that he might want to let the doors close, those suggestions were met with a not, a rude as it could have been, response. Telling them it would be 'In a fucking minute'. this being an earlier train frequented by builders and other non-office worker types the language directed back was a bit fruity.

To be honest I was half asleep so didn't really notice until voices became raised but it never ceases to amaze me how many inconsiderate and impolite people there are on this planet.

Todays Cull: You will be crushed between the specially sharpened doors of train.

Friday, June 23, 2006


Beeb Balls Up - Idiot #7

It would be easy to select Graham 'Look At Me Ma I'm On Telly' Poll as today's idiot after he quite clearly lost the plot in the last ten minutes of the game yesterday. Booking one Croatian three times and deciding to reverse a throw in decision because two croations had balls at the same time and hadn't really agreed who should take the throw in.

However todays nomination goes to the unnamed individual at the beeb who decided that it would be better to show the Japan-brazil game as the main one. Okay Brazil are the 'sexy' side but it should have been obvious that the Australia-Croatia game was the better bet. The two teams were competing against one another for the second qualification space (Because Japan never really had much chance of beating Brazil - even if they did take the lead. But more than that there is a strong Croatian community in Australian adding some more spice to the game. This game was full of attitude, effort and a fair amount of ineptitude.

Todays Cull: You will be forced to do the Peter Crouch robot 'dance' until the pain from RSI causes your to pass out. You will then be repeatedly hit by wet footballs from the fifties until your misery has passed.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


Surround Sound Screw Up - Idiot #6

I was at the cinema last night watching United 93. The film itself was fantastic. Utterly compelling and horrible to watch. The relative unknowns in the cast made it seem more real and the silence in the cinema at the end when the plane crashed was spooky. During the film some guy a few seats away from me kept looking round and shushing people. Fair enough I suppose, at least until I realised he was not really getting it.

During the film there are loads of scenes where the chaos at Air Traffic Control and the FAA are depicted. In these scenes there are loads of people talking, many of which are just designed to be background noise. The surround sound setup in the cinema meant that a lot of this background noise came out behind you and sounded like whispering. I realised this quite quickly but this guy spent the whole film trying to work out who was spoiling his movie.

Todays Cull: You are culled via sleep deprivation, caused by three smelly people whispering in you ear 24/7.

Monday, June 12, 2006


Holiday Hiatus is Over - Idiots #4 & #5

Two idiots today. One human (barely) and one not so much with the human.
First up is the Cash machine I use on the Strand. I needed a tenner to stick in a collection for someone at work and the machine says it can't give me one. So I change it to twenty quid. The machine can deal quite happily with that. I take my card back and wait to be given the funds. They duly appear and I am given two crisp ten pund notes. Twice as many as I wanted and two more than it said it had. Damned lying technological idiot.

Today's Bonus cull:This machine is condemned to be drowned in balsamic vinegar for three weeks.

The second idiot is the driver of the pointlessly souped up 1.2 corsa near where I live. Weighed down by several tons of customisation this car does 0-60 in about a week. But what it lacks in oomph it makes up for in noise and persistence. The driver spent much of yesterday night belting round making use of the chicane in the now completed road works. I accept that it took a few laps to get up to speed by why the repeated attempts to break the world noise record? It wouldn't have been so bad to be honest if I was in the back of the house, but our bedroom is at the front and Sunday night shenanigans are not made more romantic by the sound of fossil fuel wastage down our street.

Todays Cull: You will be put in metal shoes and welded to a skateboard. You will then be pushed down shooters hill whilst blindfolded.

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